Sabienna Bowman
When Netflix announced they had snagged Will Smith for an original movie, it sounded like the streaming service had made it to the film big leagues. Then Bright happened, and well… Bright is definitely unique, but it’s no blockbuster. Smith stars as a (human) cop who is paired with Jakoby, an orc (who is also a cop). Sure, that’s a little weird, but there are so many buddy cop movies out there that no one could fault Netflix for getting inventive. However, we can definitely fault them for the elves, the prophecy, the wands, and the dark lord. Bright is weird guys, but it’s not actually the weirdest movie ever made.
As hard as it is to believe, when it comes to nonsensical storytelling, Bright is just one of many. Hollywood has produced more than its fair share of head-scratchers over the years, and if Bright left you craving more movie weirdness, then start popping the popcorn, because we’ve got your back.
1. Jupiter Ascending
From cleaning lady to alien queen of the world in one day? That’s the bare bones of Mila Kunis’ arc in Jupiter Ascending, a movie with an overly complicated plot and stunning visuals that also involves Channing Tatum playing a half-canine, genetically-engineered soldier/love interest.
2. Waterworld
Poor Kevin Costner. He must have had high hopes for Water World, but his foray into sci-fi resulted in a truly strange movie about a fish-like mutant who protects a little girl with a map to the mythical “Dryland” tattooed on her back. Along the way he trades dirt, gets involved in a jet ski chase, and is just generally the weirdest Costner character ever.
3. After Earth
Will Smith is back and this time he’s lost all semblance of a personality! Smith without his trademark charisma is bad enough, but this sci-fi movie also crams in enough random backstory for three movies before proceeding to the nothing-happens-for-an-hour portion of the film.
4. The Postman
If at first you don’t succeed then make a movie about a rogue postman in post-apocalyptic 2013 — well, that seems to be Costner’s philosophy anyway.
5. Battlefield Earth
John Travolta plays an alien type… thing. And there’s a climactic scene at Fort Knox, despite the movie being set thousands of years in the future. Honestly, you’re just going to have to watch this one for yourself.
6. Catwoman
You would think a movie called Catwoman would be about, you know, Catwoman, the infinitely cool Batman antihero. Instead, it’s about a woman who dies, is revived by cats, and then basically becomes a human cat. There simply are no words.
7. Face/Off — Starz
Travolta and Nicolas Cage swap faces — not bodies, mind you, just faces. And yet, despite having two very different bodies, no one seems to notice when Travolta literally becomes the man he’s hunting.
8. The Great Wall <
Matt Damon travels to China in hopes of finding gunpowder. Instead, he finds monsters and becomes a hero, even though the people who actually live at The Great Wall have been training to fight these things their entire lives. Basically, this movie wants to be Game of Thrones, but it’s just silly.
9. The Forgotten
At first, you’ll be invested in the mystery at the center of The Forgotten, but then the plot spirals so far out of control you’ll be begging for it to end.
10. Rollerball
Everyone loves Rollerball — at least they do until they realize it’s actually murder ball. That premise leads to a complicated cover-up and lots of scenes of a game that makes less sense than Quidditch.
Compared to these movies, Bright almost seems boring, doesn’t it?
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